Creative Answering Machine Messages

1)Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software version 1.05. Counting down to test: 5…4…3…2…1…

2)After the tone, leave your name, number, and the location of the money. I’ll get back to you as soon as it’s safe for you to come out of hiding.

3)The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

4)I can’t come to the phone right now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now… I mean, like, I’m at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I’m doing this NOW, while you’re listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it’s NOW, like, when you’re listening to it… I mean, like, wait, gosh, ARRRRGGGHHH. This is so confusing.

5)How do you leave a message on this thing? I can’t understand the instructions. Hello? Hello? Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this…YOW!!

6)C’mon…you can do it…just a little one. That’s the way…just a little beep, just a little one. C’mon…good boy…here we go…like this– beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c’mon…There you go!

7)Next on Public Radio we’ll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72….

8)This is the National Security Emergency Password Notification Network. To initiate destruct sequence, call the CIA with today’s password. Today’s password is FUNONE.

9)Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can’t come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange…mother…unicorn. I’ll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

10)No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!


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